Bad Days

Inevitably, there are bad days.

I am officially no longer a high school student. I turn 18 in about a week. Today, I feel completely overwhelmed and really, really sad.

Summer means sun and warmth and longer days, but it also means I have a lot more time to think. There are so many things I wish I could talk to my mom about. I spent a lot of today thinking about what I would tell her. Today was one of the bad days. First of all, I'm terrified to go to college. I don't want to leave my home that is filled with so many happy memories of my momma. I'll miss my dog so much that I've honestly considered smuggling him into my dorm. I would tell her about the friends I've made this year, a few in particular that have made a major impact on my life. They mean more to me than they know. I would tell her how much I wish she could have gotten to know them because she would love them just as much as I do. Monday was Memorial Day, a holiday that always reminds me of my grandma and my mom. I would talk to both of them about boys and how confusing and irritating they can be. Girls are complicated...right. My mom always knew what to say and always pointed me in the right direction. My grandma would tell me to pretend boys don't exist and to focus on my schoolwork. (: I would tell my momma about my fears for the future. There are many things I'm unsure about, though I must remember God knows the plan. While my faith keeps me strong, there is nothing more comforting than a mother's hug...something I miss very much. I would talk to her about the things that I don't understand. Why does cancer have to take so many lives? Why couldn't we have had more time? Why is it that on certain days, you seem so far away?

Today, I feel broken in grief but I find comfort...
"God heals the heartbroken and bandages their wounds." Psalm 147:3.
"Our Lord is great, with limitless strength; we'll never comprehend what he knows and does. God puts the fallen on their feet again." Psalm 147:5-6.
"Wait for God. Wait with hope. Hope now; hope always!" Psalm 131:3.

Sometimes, when I really need her, I think maybe I hear her voice as the wind whirls through her favorite wind chimes. My wounds are still healing.