Dear Victoria,
Today is January 26 and you are one day shy of turning eight months old. You are full of joy. You have tried 52 foods and counting. You are funny on purpose. You bring joy to everyone you meet. If I had the vocabulary to tell you how much I love you, I would tell you every minute. Being your mom brings me so much happiness that the hard and sad things don’t seem so big. One of the hard and sad things is January 26. Today, your grandma would turn 66.
There are some things you do that remind me of her. Your nose crinkles when you REALLY laugh and it reminds me of my mom’s deep, genuine belly laugh. If you’re paying attention when I’m trying to take photos, your smiling face gets serious very fast (Did she teach you that up there, before you were down here?). But the thing that makes me feel the most connected to her, more than I’ve ever felt it in my life, is being your mom. The way I love you is the way she loved me. She said it all the time, but I see it now. She always said she loved me always and forever, but it wasn’t until YOU that I realized what she meant. I am enamored by you. Just when I think I couldn’t love you more, you smile your two-teeth smile and my heart bursts and grows to make more room.
“You are divine, my girl. You bring joy wherever you go. I love you deeply. I was thrilled the day you were born.” Your grandma wrote it to me and I’m writing it to you. Always and forever.
Happy birthday, Momma. I understand now.
