Things I Wanted to Say But Didn't: A Mother's Day Post

Hi there! You know me. I'm your friend, your family member, your acquaintance, or someone you're just friends with on Facebook because you wanted to creep on my pictures. This post is for you. I'm about to vent about all the things that I've wanted to say to you, not to make you feel bad, but to explain my feelings and help you understand them.

1. To the person who complained about his/her mom, hoping for advice:

Here's what I can tell you. Once you said a single negative thing about your mother, I tuned out. I bit my lip and hoped I wouldn't blurt out what I was thinking. I would do ANYTHING to have my mom back. I would do ANYTHING to go back and reverse all of our fights, all of the times I went to bed without saying goodnight, and all of the times I slammed my door hoping it would hurt her feelings. Before you complain about your mom, picture your life without her. Imagine what it would be like if she weren't there at all. Rethink the issue. Call her back. Apologize, tell her you love her, and appreciate her for everything she does. You may have gotten in a fight but imagine never being able to talk to her again. Pray to God that night and thank Him for blessing you with a mother who loves you enough to argue because she cares SO MUCH.

2. To the person who posted, "If only I could just go home and cry to my mom..." (or something to that nature):

I get it. It sucks going to college and being away from your mom. She rocks. She does a lot for you and she's always there for you. Here's the thing though: she's a phone call away at all times. I want to reply to your post and tell you how much I long to call my mom just to hear her voice. I want to tell you how many times I've tried to delete her phone number. If you really wanted to, you could drive home and hug your mom and cry in her lap all night. Wow...what I would give to have that luxury. Here's what I want you to do: call your mom. Don't complain about your boyfriend or your classes or your lack of funds. Tell her how much you love her; how much you appreciate her and everything she does. Ask her about her day...do you remember the last time you did that? I get that you miss her and that tweet was so #relatable, but consider how lucky you are to have her in your life and pick up the phone.

3. To the person who asked, on Mother's Day, "Hey, how are you doing?"

Well, actually this is one of the worst days of the year so I'm pretty awful. But I can't tell you that because to explain how I'm feeling and why would absolutely drain you. To be honest, I'm probably laying in my bed curled in a ball wishing I could get my mom a Mother's Day gift aside from the $20 flowers I set at her grave that will die in a week. I'm hurting because every time I post about my mom, I do it because it's all I can do. It's the only way I can celebrate her and feel that others are celebrating her too. So to answer your question: I'm filled with sadness today, but there's really not much you can do about it. I appreciate the gesture, but if my response is lacking, you know why.

4. To the person who is wondering why I haven't been talkative today, why I've been snappy today, why I seem grumpy or stressed:

I miss my mom. I miss her so much that it feels like my heart is being torn out of my chest sometimes. I'm a master of disguise and you've probably never (or rarely) seen me break down because I've gotten really good at hiding it when I feel like I'm about to lose it. I'm good at leaving the room at just the right moment, hiding the redness and puffiness after a short cry, and pasting a smile on my face when I don't want to ruin everyone's time. I know that sometimes it probably seems like I'm absent, and that's probably because I am. I'm good at hiding it but it can be seriously exhausting. If I take it out on you, I sincerely apologize. I'm not myself and it's not your fault. On the other hand, the drop of a pin can make me cry some days. These are usually the days that I SHOULD stay home and take a personal day, but unfortunately college classes don't allow me to do that. Not many people see me cry, but if you're one of them...thanks for not staring at me like I'm a crazy woman.

5. To the person who I just can't empathize with:

I'm sorry. I really wish I could comfort you and understand why you're so upset over something as small as a guy who treats you like crap or a C in your math class, but I honestly can't. It's not your fault and I understand that this problem is hurting you terribly. I get that in your view, you are incredibly unlucky and your life couldn't get any worse, but to be honest...it totally could. I don't mean to be selfish here, I'm just being truthful. After experiencing a traumatic loss, other problems seem so small. My mother died way before any of us were ready to lose her. I was FIFTEEN. She will not see me graduate, she won't see me get married, she doesn't get to meet my boyfriend, I can't call her, I can't see her; there's a HUGE hole where she once was. Truly, I am sorry if my advice or response seems harsh, but your problem will pass and you will move on. There are bigger problems in the world. As Kourtney Kardashian once exclaimed to her sister, "Kim, (there are) people (that) are dying." BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE!

6. To my aunts, my sisters, my friends’ moms, my coworkers, and everyone else who has stepped in when I needed a mom:

Thank you. Thank you for stepping in when I needed a mom. Thank you for being there for me as I planned my wedding, as I made hard decisions, and as I feared what was next for me. My future children will not get to meet their grandma. I will teach them about her and they will know the person she was, but they won’t get to see her smile face-to-face. However— my children will get to meet all of you. They will hear all of the things you have done for me. They will also know that their grandma played a big part in you coming into my life when I needed you most— whether we knew it or not.  Thank you.

7. To the mothers who are missing a child they carried, held, or never got the chance to meet:

You ARE a mother. You deserve to be celebrated in every way. I cannot fathom what this day is like for you. I know you miss your baby every single day and to see all of the posts is incredibly hard. I have never experienced the loss you have, so I can’t tell you that I know what you’re going through, but my heart breaks for you just the same. You ARE a mother and I truly believe you will meet again someday. I am thinking of you and sending you love on this day and all of the other days.

8. To the hundreds of people who will share Mother's Day posts:

I'm so happy that you're celebrating your mom. She deserves it and so much more, but when you post that "Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you and I'm so thankful for you!" status and picture, think about it first. Are you showing her how thankful you are for her every day? Are you posting it just because everyone else is, or are you posting it because you genuinely want your mom to know how much you love her? Are you spending the day with her (or if you can't, did you give her a call)? I would give anything to spend the holiday with my mom face-to-face. What if this is the last Mother's Day you get to celebrate her?


Gosh, I loved my mom so much and I know that I didn't show her even half as much appreciation as I could have in our time together. PLEASE make every day with your parents count. I may be biased but I can tell you there is absolutely nothing worse than losing a mother, especially at 15. Use all of the time you have left with her to value everything she's done. 

For God's sake...the woman probably spent hours and hours in labor for you. She deserves endless hugs and love for that alone.