Hi. There are so many things that I need to say to you and thank you for but I never know how. I'm usually pretty good at expressing myself through these blog things so I decided I'd try that.
You are my favorite person. You make me laugh, you laugh at my sarcasm, you love my dog. These are just surface level things you do that make me smile and remind me how lucky I am. But what I don't thank you for enough is so much more than that.
I'm not sure you knew how much baggage I was going to be carrying around with me when you asked me to be your girlfriend. I think I was probably trying to hide it because I wanted you to like me (I REALLY liked you). I acted like small things didn't bother me. I pretended I was a girl who lost her mom but wasn't really bothered by it anymore because it happened five years ago.
I remember one night I sent you a picture of myself as a kid and I had just gotten my first pair of glasses. I think we had JUST started dating and we had been talking about how practically blind I am and the fact that I've had glasses since 1st grade. But the thing is--you didn't comment on my glasses at all. My mom was in the picture too and you said "Wow, you look exactly like her." And to you, it probably seemed like nothing, but to me it was so much more than that. I cried because as many times as I'd heard that I looked like her, it felt like maybe she was there in that moment. I can't explain the feeling, but it was there.
Okay, months later. You came home with me for the weekend and I felt like I needed to visit my mom's grave. I wasn't sure if you'd want to come with me but you did and you made me feel like I wasn't alone, going to a place where I typically feel pretty alone. We walked up to her grave and you stood beside me while I put flowers beside her grave and spent a few minutes talking to her in my head. When I was ready to go, I said "Okay." I started walking away and realized you weren't following me. You were kneeling by my mom's grave. You were telling her how much I meant to you and how sorry you were that you never got to meet her. Seriously, Brett, you have no idea. I'm barely holding it together writing this. I never told you how much that meant to be. No one had ever done that before and the best part is that I know she heard you.
When I'm upset, you listen to me. You let me cry and you hug me and I can tell that you feel the things that are hurting me. You tell me exactly what I need to hear. When I'm overreacting and being a brat, you act like I'm being completely rational. You check my oil and change my windshield washer fluid, you get water for me when I need to take my meds, you worry when I don't get enough sleep. You listen to me complain about school and every other tiny problem in my life that I feel like venting about, and by the end of the conversation, I feel like everything is going to be okay. You hug my grandma and talk about sports with my dad. My dog likes you more than he likes me.
You drive me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't trade my time with you for anything in the world. You are my best friend and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me to be loved by you. Every day I thank my angel in Heaven for sending me such an incredible blessing. I think she knew how much I needed you.
SO MUCH love,
Hannah
