I'm a strong believer in expression. Are you sad? Tell someone. You like her? Tell her. You're upset with him? Don't hold back. The longer you wait, the less time you have. You never know what could happen tomorrow. You might not have the chance anymore.
One minute, my mom was at the hospital for a regular appointment. An appointment just like all the rest. She had one once or twice a week. I wasn't really sure what the appointments were for, and I'm still not really sure. All I knew was that they were simple, and she always came home afterwards. One day, she didn't. My sister and I went to Omaha to school shop because my sophomore year was about to begin. Lindsay moved to Omaha to be closer to my mom. We knew that she was staying at the hospital that night. After Lindsay had gone to bed, I got on the computer and talked to a classmate that had lost her father. I told her that I was scared. I knew my mom didn't have much time left. She told me something that I've held with me since then: Tell her you love her and spend as much time with her as you can. Little did I know, she barely had a day left.
When we returned to Atlantic, my mother had gotten worse. She looked very ill; sicker than she'd ever looked. She was miserable and all she could feel was her pain. She was very medicated and she couldn't make out a lot of words, but I could tell she wanted to talk to me. This was the last conversation I knew she could hear. She told me to promise her I would never lose my faith. I promised. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but all I could say was that I loved her very much. She told me not to be afraid. The next day, she couldn't respond anymore. I could still talk to her, but I still don't know if she heard me.
Every day I wish I had more time. Every day I wish I could have written down everything I felt and given it to her. I am who I am because she raised me to be a strong, independent, happy, faith-filled girl and I never got the chance to tell her how thankful I was to have a mother like her. I never got the chance to explain how much I loved her.
This is why I don't hold back. I've learned that it's better to tell a person how you feel than to live each day wondering what would have happened if you had. So tell her. Tell him. Tell your mom. Tell your dad. Tell your teacher. Tell your friends. Maybe you'll be embarrassed or you'll wish for a second that you hadn't said anything, but I promise you it's better than holding it in. Express...while you still have the chance.
