Kindness

Growing up, I spent a lot of time in the lobby of DeLong Sportswear. My mother worked as a secretary there until it closed when I was in middle school. She spent most of her time typing, but whenever someone walked through the front doors, you can bet she knew who they were.

My mom knew the names of every single person that worked in or around DeLong. She always made it a priority to ask the UPS man how his day was going or how his wife was doing. She looked forward to talking to the employees as they left the building. Most importantly, my mother always smiled.

I know how important it is to smile at each and every person that walks past you in the halls. I know what it feels like to be the girl who's too afraid to look up because she's afraid she'll break down and cry. Maybe the quiet boy walking towards you is having the worst day, but he's too scared to tell anyone. If someone had taken the time to look at me and smile when I was upset...I can't even explain how much that would have changed my day. A simple smile has the power of a thousand words.

We have to find it in ourselves to step up and be the kindest people we can be. If this means you strive to smile at each and every student that passes you in the hall tomorrow, do it. Do it for the sad girl moping through the halls. Do it for the shy boy who's too scared to stand up for himself. Do it for you.

I do it because I know my mom is looking down on me smiling at the strong, happy young lady she taught me to be, and honestly...that's all I need.

(:

Two Years

I haven't written a blog post for a long time. Most of you have probably forgotten it even exists. Let me explain.

The last couple of months have been rough for me. I can't explain how or why the sad feelings come flowing back, they just do. Some days I go through the motions without actually understanding what's going on around me. All I can think about is the fact that my mom has been gone for two years and sometimes, it hurts the same way it did on August 12, 2011...and I don't want to talk about it. But I will.

Two years...two years ago my mother died and I held her hand. Two years ago, I attended a funeral I shouldn't have had to attend so early. Two years ago, I rode to the cemetery in the biggest funeral precession I'd ever seen. Two years ago...my closest friends hugged me and we all cried our eyes out as the burial came to an end. There were no words..none needed to be spoken. As my family and I were preparing to leave, my friend Travis hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry." In that moment, I realized something. I was experiencing a nightmare I'd seen in the movies a thousand times. My life had suddenly become a movie in the "Tragedy" section at Mr. Movies. Two years ago...I became the girl that lost her mom at 15.

Now I'm 17. Maybe two years doesn't sound like a long time, but I would give anything to talk to my mother for two minutes. This is my senior year. I have decisions upon decisions to make and to be completely honest, I'm terrified. I will always have never-ending support from my family and friends, but the only person I feel like I really need advice from is my mom. She always knew what to say. She always knew what was right for me. I miss her so much that I can't put it into words. Two years ago, my life changed in a thousand ways..and it's still changing.

Maybe I feel lost right now, but I know it will get better. With such a special woman watching over me...how could it not?

To those of you that may be upset that I haven't talked to you about the way I'm feeling, please don't take it personally. I will always have a hard time expressing my feelings, and this is the best way I know how to do so.