If I could talk to her now...
Hi Momma.
I miss you so much. There aren't words to describe how much I wish you were still with me. There are so many things I'm afraid to experience without you. I don't know how to explain the way it feels knowing that you won't be there to help me get ready for prom. You won't be able to attend my graduation. When I move out, you won't be there to teach me (again) how to do laundry. When I get married, you won't be teary eyed in the front row. I can only hope that you'll still be there somehow. My own children will never meet their grandma. You'll never be able to read to them like you read to me.
It's hard to go into your bedroom and see the place you used to sleep. It's empty now. One of my favorite memories takes place in your bedroom. You were sick, but you were still you. I would come home from school and sit by your bed. I would tell you about my day, and you would ask questions or give me advice. Marlo would sit on the edge of the bed listening. He misses you too, Momma. It's been over a year since I've been able to talk to you. I'm so afraid that I'll forget what your voice sounds like. Sometimes I still sit by your bed and pretend nothing has changed.
We fought a lot the last few years of your life. When I say a lot, I mean it. If I could take back all of the things I said, I would. It was hard for me to understand that it was the medicine talking, not you. I wish I hadn't taken advantage of having such an amazing mother. I always find myself wishing all of this was just a dream, and I'll wake up to the sound of you talking to the bird in the living room.
There are so many things that remind me of you. When it snows, it seems like everyone in this town complains until it's gone. You, on the other hand, loved it. When it rained, you would go outside and listen. You would listen to the birds, the trees, the wind... you found the beauty in everything. I think that's what I admire the most.
People of all kinds came to you for help. You would listen and talk to each and every one of them. Whenever someone needed a friend, you were there. No matter where you were in life, everyone wanted to be your friend. Your funeral was packed full with all of the people that adored you. Each one of them misses you just like I do.
Even though you're gone now, I learn from you every day. I know you're watching over me and making sure I'm always moving in the right direction. I'm okay, Momma, even on the days when it seems like I'm not. It hasn't gotten easier, but I'm learning to cope. I think I'm getting stronger every day. I can't wait until I can see you again, Momma. I miss your hugs the most.
I love you always and forever,
Hannah
